silenceisdeath

because i have a world in my head.
and it is not always the real world.
because i sometimes forget who i am.
because it's my life and my choices.
because i don't have to be normal to be ok.
because it's okay to be myself.
because the world is not ending tomorrow.
because if it is...i'm screwed anyway.
because i am strong.

i love music. flyleaf, my chem, underoath, bmth. dark crazy movies. photography. i like books a lot, sometimes. i like feeling. i like feeling alive. i hate being touched. but i am scared of dying alone. i don't want to grow up. i wear black converse. i like black a lot.

::this is my attempt at being self-centered.::

(if you have copyright issues with the photos tell me. i did not take or create most of them.)

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i am so tired. empty.

i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how to act.

i went to the doctors office by myself for the first time in my life. the doctor asked where my mom was, and i just said “She died last january.” i didn’t even try and make it sound less shocking, or think about how it would sound to her. she went on and asked all these questions about how we were living, i tried to give good answers but i don’t know if i did okay or not. i hope she doesn’t pry and call someone, like DHS or something. i have dealt with that too many times. 

it used to be every day was a battle, and i was strong enough to do it all. now every day is just another day, i have nothing to fight for.

my brain is dissolving, i don’t know who i am anymore.

i don’t want to be empty, i want to be strong, different, alive.

i don’t want to turn into all of them.

what happened to me?

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